Is it wrong to not be OK?

In the society we live in, there is a certain expectation in the way we live our lives and if this defines if we are doing ‘OK’ or not. But this is a social construct and there are too many people who are pushed aside because they break this norm, they are not doing ‘OK’.

There is a massive stigma around if we say we are not ‘OK’, this automatically means for some people that we are mental unstable, that we are not safe, or that we even need professional help. But… why are these people not asking these things instead:
– Is there anything I can do to help?
– Do you want to talk?
– Do you want to do something to take your mind off of everything?

People a too quick to judge others instead of offering their advice and guidance. So I am writing this as my offer of guidance and support if there isn’t anyone there for you. 

First of all, it is completely fine to not feel OK, there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with you, there is nothing bad about you, there is nothing ‘weird’ about you. It is completely normal at some point in your life to say you are not OK. The first step is probably one you have passed if you have chosen to read this post. You have admitted that you are not OK, this is arguably the hardest part because you have faced the truth of what your body is telling you, that something isn’t feeling the way you want it to feel. Don’t ignore this, you have to listen to you, you have to know when things are not OK.

Something I have found particularly helpful is when I ask myself am I doing OK, I turn this question into statements, these statements are:

• You are OK
• You will feel OK again at some point
• It is OK to feel this way
• It is OK to feel confused
• It is OK to want some support or help

So many people look at it negatively for saying you are not OK. But why? Why is there such a stigma around mental health, just because you cannot physically see an illness or someone hurting, doesn’t mean it isn’t as important. We all have scars from our past and present, but some people choose to hide those scars, do not judge someone for that.

What I want you to remember if you are reading this an can relate in some way is that, this too shall pass. Whatever is going on is temporary. You will feel OK again at some point. It might not be right away, it might take weeks or even months, but it will happen, trust me it will. You will be able to say in the future, ‘you know what, I am OK.’ There isn’t a time frame on this, there isn’t a magic button to remove all the negativity, there isn’t a fairy godmother, for all I wish there was, there isn’t. To be OK takes hard work and a lot of bloody determination. You can do it. If you take nothing but this away from this post, I believe in you, you can do this, you are so much stronger than you think. 

Also, if you decide you are not OK and you want help, I want you to know, it’s OK to not know what you need. It’s OK to not know what could help. You don’t have to have all the answers straight away, if you did, you wouldn’t need the help, am I right?! Too many people say, well what do you need? Sometimes, you just don’t know. A good first step at this point is often to reach out to someone to inform you of what some of your options are, find someone you are comfortable talking to.

However, if you don’t have that resource, when you are not OK, I want you to come to this blog post. I may not be here in the literal space sat next to you, but I will be here for you, help you be the resilient person I know you can be.

I know it’s probably been so tough for you recently. I know it’s been a long day, a long week and you cannot seem to see the end of it all. You’ve been harboring all of this pain for so long, that took a lot of strength, recognize that. I know it hasn’t been easy right? No one understood, no one could see you suffering, no one wanted to help, no one knew what to do. You just internalized and smiled because you had to, that is what we are supposed to do isn’t it? Just pretend like everything is OK, when actually it isn’t. You had to survive if not for yourself, but for others, the people you care about in your life. You endured and endured this pain until you don’t think you can take anymore, you are to the breaking point.

I know you’re scared, confused, angry. These emotions are frightening, they eat at you and you feel controlled by them, you feel you are a disappointment, not just to yourself but to everyone else. You think you are weak. You question how you let things get to where they are now and you wonder if they will ever get better again. You doubt yourself because you think you’ve failed, you think you are a failure.

But you haven’t failed me, you never can, you never have and you never will. Instead, you are making unbelievably proud. Being honest, open, at an emotional raw state, you are showing how beautiful you are. You are strong, you have strength and you are so brave. You won’t believe me at first, I know you won’t, I didn’t believe in me, not in the vulnerable place you are in. You’re too consumed in the feeling of being so not OK to rationalize my prescriptive, that you are doing OK.

Just remember that as you struggle, relief is on its way, you have to have these lows to see the highs and to fight through. You are not unraveling in emotions and wallowing in your own self pity or doubt, instead you are liberating yourself, you are freeing yourself, relieving yourself from whatever pains you. You don’t ever have to hide or apologize for this, you are allowed to feel the emotions you feel. They are your feelings, no one else’s. Curl up in a blanket and lay down, get comfy. The worst will pass. Do you feel the pain leaving you, going into the air? Deep breaths, you are almost there now. Just close your eyes and let solace in. This is how it will get better; this is how you will be whole, this is how you will heal, this is how you will be OK. It will take time, but you have started here, you made that first step. You can and will keep that fight. I’m proud of you.

You can and will get through this, and, it is OK to not be OK.
Until next time,
– Bobby